of grateful praise

What do weights and a ID bracelet from the ER have in common? Read on and see...

It has been a long, hard week. Ezra began having even more difficult evenings than he already has. Typically, he wakes several times throughout the night to nurse and be soothed back to sleep. This week however, he did not sleep well at all. He did not want to be put in his crib at all. He just wanted mama to hold him. ALL NIGHT LONG. If he wasn't in my arms, he let out an awful- fear driven cry. Not normal.

Isaak then began to cough. He came down with a fever. Which, thankfully, quickly passed. He continues to have a cough, but is well and active.

Ezra also developed a cough. And then a fever. He awoke at 2 am Tuesday and would not go back to sleep. He was restless in my arms. I was exhausted. I took him to the Doctor yesterday, as the past week coupled with the night before and the cough + fever didn't sit well with me. We came home shortly after with a diagnosis of some serious teething as well as a viral infection. Orders were to keep the fever down with a tepid bath.

Upon arrival home, I put Ezra into the tepid bath. He began crying. I took him out. He began shaking. And crying more. I attempted to console him. I then noticed... HE WAS TURNING BLUE! I mean dark purple, blue. Arms, hands, legs, feet and mouth. His trunk was blotchy. The whites of his eyes turned red and his eyes became glossy and very tired looking. Now, I have been a preschool teacher + director for over 17 years. I have had to tend to many a sick/injured child. Children with bad asthma attacks, anaphylactic shock, broken bones, teeth knocked out, etc. I feel like I have been well prepared to deal with these types of occurrences, but oh, no! Not when it is my child. I imagined the worst. I began to pray. I left Scot & Isaak at home and put my blue baby in the car. The drive to the hospital was utterly frightening. Ezra was blue, cold, and barely responsive. He no longer cried, but just glared. I had to rub his feet to get him to cry, just so I knew he was still okay. I drove safe, but the drive there was the longest drive ever. Upon arrival at the ER, no staff was available. For almost 10 minutes. I was frustrated to say the least. Finally, a nurse called our name and in we went. For the wait game. Apparently, blue babies are not that high of a priority. They took his stats. Which seemed within normal range, except for the 103.7 fever. They gave him some Tylenol. We went to a room for more tests. Poor babe, had to have a catheter. Not too happy about that. The blue had since subsided. His skin was pink once again. Scot then arrived, after securing a willing Grammy to come watch Isaak. Ezra seemed to be coming back around, although still totally sick. Results again, normal. Huh? The only two possible reasons for the blue babe- vessel constriction from the bath... or pre febrile seizure from the fever. So thankful that my babe is okay. Aside from the viral infection and teething that is. Last night, we even got a LITTLE bit of sleep. Just a tad.

This whole episode really did several things to me. First, it F R E A K E D me out. How scary it is to think of something tragic happening to your child. How hard to helplessly watch your child suffer. How exhausting, both emotionally and physically. Second, it makes me thankful. Thankful that I have children to love in such a way. To feel this kind of love IS life. Third, it makes me look to my God. My protector, my strength, my refuge. I am aware that others in the hospital last night, did not walk out of it the way I did. They walked out empty handed. I walked out with my babe. All of our days are numbered. We do not know what that number is. Let us live this life abundantly, with thankfulness and joy. With kindness and generosity. With humility and hope and health.

As you may already know, I am in the midst of bootcamp for mamas. A six week challenge of health + fitness. It has been difficult. Difficult to change eating habits. Difficult to say no to cravings and desires. Difficult to push my body, physically, to it's limits. Those weights in the picture above, are now a reminder to me. Because strength comes in many different forms. Those weights will gird me in strength. Both physically and spiritually. As I utilize them to create a strong core, I will now use that time to pray. I will pray to create a strong spirit. Because the following verse encourages me to do so- "She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come." -Proverbs 31:25 Ultimately, I know that the "days to come" rest in His hands. But I do not feel like I can always "laugh at the days to come." Which to me, doesn't necessarily mean laugh, as in my out loud cackle, but to feel the joy and peace that come when you have a life of laughter. I want to be able to have the ultimate joy and peace in the midst of my blue babe episode. I want to be clothed in strength and dignity, when I arrive at the ER and NO ONE is available to help my child and I. Because, confession... I was NOT dignified. Bootcamp for mamas is hard. Bootcamp for Jesus is hard. But I want to press on. I want what is good for me, physically and spiritually. I have one body. One life, here on earth. And I hope and pray that I will continue seeking to be challenged. For a better self. So I can be a better wife. A better mama. A better servant. And as my bootcamp instructor says "Live my best life!"

{Side note- Aren't those weights the sweetest little vintage finds? I love them. I have had them for many years. And have not used them. But I knew someday, I would need them. Now is that day. And I'm so thankful to have them.}