October 28, 2011

Happy Birthday to me! 37 years I have been blessed with. Yes. 37. I had plans for today. None of which included staying in our pajamas all day and tending to one feverish boy and one cranky and slightly sick baby with an energetic big boy in the mix. But that is what the day brought. And it has been a beautiful day at that. Grand visions of pumpkin lattes and delightful pastries and a hike out in nature danced in my head. But instead, we cooked at home and cuddled. And it was grand.

I started being reflective about my birthday two years ago. In which I posted a list. 35 things I wanted to do in my 35th year of life. I didn't finish the list. I am still working on it. And that's okay. Because I realized. I like a goal. I like a list. But I don't like to be consumed by such things. I prefer not to be too busy. I am happiest when I have time. Time at home. Time with my boys. Time to be in the moment. Not wanting to fill it with more. So, my list follows me. And someday, I hope to have checked all 35 things off.

Last year, I decided to do things a little different. My list for the year had one thing on it. Joy. I wanted to focus on living joyfully. Giving thanks in all. Moving from complaint to contentment. To be glad. Happy. To rejoice. But not just when everything was going my way. No. In everything. I have learned a lot this year as I have strived for growth. And I have a long way to go. But it feels good to be content with what you have. To have a satisfied mind and heart. And really, it's not something I could do on my own accord. But through grace alone. Daily, seeking grace. Because when I don't, it's simply not there. Our home that we recently moved into, has brought me so many opportunities to practice the habit of joy. Will I choose joy when I haul 12 loads of laundry and 3 boys to the laundromat? Will I choose joy when I have to go fetch water in the bathroom any time I want to use it in the kitchen? Will I choose joy as I live in one room with 4 boys? For how long? Is there a limit to living joyfully? Yes. It ends the moment you stop seeking grace. Oh, how I long to live in grace daily.

This year, I spent some time quietly considering how I should focus my 37th year. And, well... as hard as it is to say- it is my mouth. And what comes out of it. Yes. My words. I am realizing now more than ever, what comes out of my mouth is just so, so significant. And it is not just WHAT comes out of my mouth, but HOW it comes out of my mouth. I have 3 little sets of ears listening to me daily.

Oh, how motherhood changes you. Molds you. And oh, how I need to grow in this area. And so, the same concept as last year applies. To speak with wisdom and kindness no matter what the situation. No matter how justified I feel. No matter how offended I have been. Wisdom and kindness. But I cannot do it alone friends. Oh, no. I will need to seek grace. Daily. Will you pray for me?

{Proverbs 31:26} She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

To see the list and some thoughts about my 36th year, click HERE.

And although totally random... can I just tell you how much I LOVE having an October birthday?

1 comment:

elizabeth said...

happy birthday to you!

your boys are so handsome!

i think your choice of speaking with wisdom is a wonderful focus.

i've been thinking a lot lately about the verse "He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth. He was led as a lamb to the slaughter and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so He opened not His mouth" (from Isaiah 53). justification and offense - Jesus has more of that, truly, than we ever will. but He was silent. sometimes silence is truly best.

grace to you as you begin this new year.

love, ~e